he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
