Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
