Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
