dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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