She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
