I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
