I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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