found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
