Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
