So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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