nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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