I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
