So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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