can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
