Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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