he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
