I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
