I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize