You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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