please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
