I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
