I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
