just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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