I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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