Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
