I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
