Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
