omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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