I molested 6 butterflies tonight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
