As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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