Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
