life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This house was built for laser tag.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
