do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
