God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
