no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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