I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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