its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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