Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
