College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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