shes about as inviting as chlamydia
should my penis look like a turkey
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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