what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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