So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
