around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
