my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
