I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
