Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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