also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
