Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
