DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
