You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
