Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
