I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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