My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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