and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
