My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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