We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
