small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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