You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
