Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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