There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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