last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
